


Light Shadows the Dark

by Kiyara_Iris



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Get Together, M/M, Romance, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 03:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiyara_Iris/pseuds/Kiyara_Iris
Summary: 'Now though---now with twenty rows of seating separating them, hidden in the deep lurking shadows of Earth's Pan Continental Arena, with the only real light illuminating the pristine stage and giving all in attendance up there an ethereal glow---he could watch. He felt the restless hunger of a demon lurking amongst the outskirts of hell trying in vain to catch coveting glimpses of an Angel.'Heero receives an award and Duo, watching from the shadows, finds out more than he'd ever expected to.





	1. Angels, and Demons Crouching in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Heero is eloquent, Duo is enamored; my favorite boys in a semi-fluffy short plot. Enjoy ^_^

Duo watched the seated man accepting tonight’s most honorary award; head high atop solid shoulders, suit crisp and perfectly aligned to the contours of his body, face set not quite into a scowl these days but a sort of intense concentration that only a man with confidence in his self-worth could achieve with any sort of sincerity. And Heero Yuy was nothing if not sincere. He was determined, dedicated, a total genius and a damn handsome man.

               Duo leaned back in his chair, consciously zoning out the droning voice of the slight man filling the tense air with meaningless phrases like 'dedication to peace' and 'the brotherhood of the space colonies and Earth', 'working in tandem to achieve harmony amongst the people'. Duo thought it was all crap - politician's words used on campaign trails; words to litter the signs that littered the cities that were littered with lies and deceit. Man was not a quiet beast- he knew when to lie low, but those itches would start and eventually they would have to be scratched and a whole new round of guns and blazing fires and death would erupt. It was the cycle, it was life. It was the only way to keep people from complacency and a lackadaisical outlook on life.

               Duo didn't believe in peace, at least not for himself; he’d seen too much of war to give much credit to such a tenuous thing. He believed in death. But now he also believed in rebirth. Like a phoenix rising, so too were the colonies emerging from their devastations and loss. But whereas theirs was a birth that was expected in the wake of war, it was Heero Yuy that had taken him completely by surprise. Heero had faced and met with Death so many times over it was like watching overlapping waves of the ocean pounding relentlessly against a shell shattered shore.

               But as is the nature of the phoenix, Yuy just wouldn't fucking stay in ashes. He arose to the fight each time with the beauty and intensity that he'd always shown; displaying the brightest plumage of courage and strength. Had damn well caught Duo's eyes with that display the first time he'd seen it. And God damn him to hell if the traitorous little bastards hadn't stayed looking at the man since. But Yuy wasn't one to stare at, probably take your eyes out just to keep your other senses efficient and doing their damn job, which you couldn't if you were looking at one place too long. Wouldn't even wonder why that place was him.

               So Duo didn't stare. But he watched. For years he'd watched.

               Watched long enough to decipher the silent, tensed emotions that swirled around the other man. Realized in some poetic mind ramblings they were much like the Earth Aurora; incandescent enough you couldn't pinpoint your gaze to see where it would ripple next. Not knowing if it would, or what its color may be.

               Watched the strange mirth that would strike him in battle, as if his soul finally found equal playing ground with his mind in the dance for death. Knowing that if they found it, both would be at peace.

               Watched his chest heaving with the excursion of running five miles on full tilt - guns gattling in staccato rhythm, buildings arising in flames on all sides.

               Watched that same chest rise and fall in a precise damn near military cadence when he'd finally let sleep consume him.

               But Duo never looked too long. Built walls a thousand miles high around his heart to keep anything from sneaking past but the camaraderie of friendship.

               Now though---now with twenty rows of seating separating them, hidden in the deep lurking shadows of Earth's Pan Continental Arena, with the only real light illuminating the pristine stage and giving all in attendance up there an ethereal glow---he could watch. He felt the restless hunger of a demon lurking amongst the outskirts of hell trying in vain to catch coveting glimpses of an Angel. And they'd always been that way, hadn't they? Even their Gundam mecha echoed the dichotomy of their souls.

               An Angel of justice in white wings of pure inner strength, wielding a sword of power.

               A vengeful demon with wings as black as his mind had been, a scythe to call forth those souls unlucky enough to fall into its path.

               But none of that mattered right now. Right now Duo could ravage the man with his eyes -the knowledge of it never known- and share in the joy of Heero being commended with the Medal of Alliance. It was the greatest honor given to people of all manner of work: scientist, mathematicians, politicians, peace activists; anyone that gave their lives to the betterment of the people in their world. And Heero had earned it, in distances not even light years could measure.

               Finally the speaker's meaninglessness ceased to exist and with great flourish presented the ornate hunk of honor to the young Japanese man, who looked almost startled - as if he'd awoken from another world and found this one filled with bright sensory images. But his movements were graceful, his steps filled with pride as he walked to the podium and took the piece from the little man, who stepped back clapping, as the entire auditorium went up in wave after wave of enthusiasm.

               Duo was right there along with them, one of the first to rise to his feet, hands aching from the effort of trying to convey his joy, his wonderment...his love to the man that in so many ways had once been his closest friend. It went on for a good two minutes, Heero's eyes looking out into the sea of faces, the high screen vid capturing him from all angles, watching the other people on stage rising to congratulate the man of honor with personal handshakes and a few even more personal bows.

               Finally, the clapping died away, its echo imprinted in Duo's ringing ears, and the little orator took a few steps towards the podium with all intent of restarting the speech where he'd -with the very great timing of someone used to taking up air space- had paused; when Heero Yuy headed him off and reached the microphone first.

               Duo rose to the very edge of the seat he was perched on, flicking a glance up to the large screen above to see the detailed determination displayed over Heero's handsome features, but turning back to the real thing, _needing_ to see the body language as the taciturn young man prepared himself to speak to the 5000 in attendance and over 7 billion that were most likely vid watching all through space.

               “I would like to extend my gratitude to the Earth Sphere Colony Alliance in awarding me such an honor." There was a flurry of brief, enthusiastic clapping and Heero gave a quiet smile, the small announcer hanging around the back stage, unsure as to his position now that he'd been temporarily displaced. But Heero wasn't finished yet.

               “I know there are many more deserving areas of enriching the lives of our fellow humans than war, many more deserving men and woman than a soldier. I gave my life..." Heero paused, the silence profound as people tried to decipher his meaning. Duo snorted. Most likely didn't know whether or not to clap. “I gave many things in order to perform efficiently as a soldier, as a warrior for peace. But just as peace is a necessity of life, so too is war." This time there's muffled words in the silence, the unease of people's mind's being awakened to a bit more than they'd expected. Duo felt particularly shocked, these words feeling a familiar weight.

               “I did not understand this as a child. I knew only how to fight and how to do so well and took pride in such a thing. Peace, in fact, very rarely entered my mind. I knew this was the goal to be achieved, but if this was an innately human goal, how could war have been conceived? It took someone...someone I met during the first wars to change my life, to change the way I viewed myself and the interactions of the world. At first, we had nothing in common, as opposite as heaven and hell." Here he smirked and Duo's stomach did a strange job of trying to sink to his toes and fly up through his mouth at the same time; made him feel quite fucking dizzy.

               “But we worked well together, were able to work against one another's weaknesses and strengths. Learned where one was necessary for the job and where they were not. It was this lesson I began to apply to the rest of the world and I came to appreciate its beauty, its wonderment, and the necessary juxtapositions." And here the murmurs were getting louder, the cameras doing a crazy swing between this suddenly turned poet to the questioning, frankly stunned, faces of his fellow angels. But Heero was reaching the pith of his speech, his hands spreading along the podium, all in attendance entrapped by his rising passion. Duo was damn near close to bursting from his seat, climbing over all frozen bodies and stirred up minds just to get closer- damnit! just to have these echoing words directed at him!

               “Here now, we sit in peace speaking of it without fully understanding. Appreciating its warmth but trying so hard not to see the spark from where it has arisen. There will always be evil in the world, just as there will always be good. One cannot exist without the other in that they cast the shadows and light that give living depth and meaning!" His voice gave, just a little then. A sigh almost escaping lips that looked moist and flushed deep pink when Duo glanced sharply up to watch his five foot face.

               “We must always strive for peace. We must always know evil will find its way into the restless hearts of mankind. I wish I could accept this award and begin a simple life of simple pleasures and the simple company of friends." Prussian eyes looked up then, scanning the crowd as if he could see beyond the spotlight, see the four of them out there. Yeah and Duo knew they were all here, had all snuck in their own separate ways, all acknowledged the other's presence without ever coming close to one another. He wondered what they thought of this soul confession, this breathtaking catharsis of the most heart wrenchingly destroyed of them all. Did it mirror their thoughts? Did they have any idea what Heero was doing? For them all? Of course they did. They could see the sacrifice being given.

               “But life does not always give us simplicities. Mostly, I think, there are puzzles to be solved, “ _Bombs to dismantle,_ " Hardships to navigate, " _Missions gone totally cockeyed "_ Situations that are totally beyond comprehension and control." _Like yeah, I totally hear you Buddy_. “And we, as free men and woman, must use all of our strengths and resources to not give in to the lures of simply turning a blind eye and letting things be." Duo scrubbed a hand over his face as Heero paused yet again to catch his breath, let the words marinate, to think of what he wanted to say next as he'd had no notes or que cards to go by, if the forgotten narrator waiting hesitantly in back was anything to go by.

               “All of this my partner, my companion, my...friend taught me. The reason I am here to accept this award is because these ideas he evoked in me kept me from simply lying down and letting things _be,_ kept my mind pushing my body to endure because I knew I could and that I had to. That through every pain and trial there was a brightness to be found. That even in the bleak vastness, the world was not dark, but shadowed --because there was light. I know now we are fighters, all of us." Duo's stomach had decided on his throat, clenching near as hard as his hands were clenching a spare hair tie he'd found; playing with it to try and anchor himself to the world. He wondered if anyone knew who the "we" was, but that murmuring had sure died down.

               “We will always fight, because we can. That if the world should fall into darkness once more, we will be there to make it into shadows. We will give our lives to protect you all. And so the person we are truly here to thank---" And then an uncomfortable, confused looked passed across those solid features. God, did Heero actually look nervous? Now? After all of that personal shit?

               " The man that I wish to thank, you will never see on a stage, will never know the lengths he has gone through, " Heero gave a small smile, eyes unfocusing a little," Will probably be mad for the melodrama." And then he fell silent, staring at the ribbon tied to the piece of metal in his hand. The moment stretched and there were a few halfhearted attempts at applause. The crowd wasn't quite sure how to treat this unexpectedly philosophical side to the war veteran, but enough seemed to deem it inappropriate to clap just yet. Like Duo, tense and nervous; they were waiting for their cue. Finally Heero looked back up.

               “Despite that, I wish for him to know what his actions have meant to me, how he unconsciously guided me safe and sanely through chaotic war and madness; that I can look at my life and see the good of my actions, not just with a soldier's instinct, but with my heart; that my choices were my own and I respect them, as I respect him. I thank you for this honor in commemorating actions during the wars, but I did what needed to be done and this is only an award. What I received from him was far more personal, far more lasting and far more special. I received his respect and his friendship. I thank you, Duo Maxwell."


	2. Comrades Never Really Leave You

There was an audible snap as the hair band Duo had been fiddling with finally broke under the strain. Heero left the podium and took his seat next to a near deranged looking dignitary that couldn't keep his eyes less than the size of two full moons. And then, like a giant elastic, the whole of the room burst its seams in applause and whistles and yelling and as that noise wasn't satisfactory they stamped their feet and hollered their joy.

               But Duo remained seated, his arms and legs suddenly made of granite, not able to receive any of the electrical impulses being sent by his brain. So much for the better, as his brain was frantically trying to send all his limbs different ways at once. He remained near catatonic through the rest of the ceremony, through the less enthusiastically received awards, through the ending speech and the filing out of the bubbling people pumped full of adrenaline. They'd gotten quite a show.

               A few people looked at him oddly as he remained glued to the chair. Probably thought he was crazy for not scrambling tooth and nail to the after party, care of Winner Corps. There would be exquisite food and drinks, rich conversation and ties to be made. What did he care for any of that? Food would probably turn to ash in his mouth, what part of him was there left to taste with? Circuits had been blown in his brain that he hadn't even known had been laid down in connection to Heero. New ones were trying to formulate, putting new insights, twists, and fundamentals into instances when Heero's eyes caught his own, when they brushed up together, when Duo had taunted him, slept together in the same safe-house rooms, and basically existed through hell.

               Finally, he's one of the last left in the auditorium, a few stage hands milling around towards the edges. He caressed his face into his hands, wondering if he actually had the nerve to go to the big bad ball. He hadn't planned for it, the night taking many unexpected turns. He'd dressed appropriately enough-neat and black-thinking perhaps he might try a little more stealth watching of the Heero kind. But that speech...those words. He couldn't stalk a man that admired the ass off him, could he? No. Heero deserved more than just coveted glances. He deserved a friend. Duo didn't know how to be one of those! At least not for long term. Hadn't even known that's what Heero had considered him! He sighed, slumping low into the chair, wondering how impossible it would be to get a cab.

               “You know, many people have gone through quite some effort on this after party, and yet here you are." Duo's startled shriek echoed into the cavernous hall, a few technicians in the back looking around, but soon losing interest when nothing continued. Duo looked to his left and watched Wufei take the seat next to him. Duo tried to move his face into a more jovial expression.

               " Hiya Wu-man. Not much in the partying mood, just weighing the chances of getting a cab around here." Wufei nodded, not rising to the baited nickname.

               “I would say it is an impossibility considering the surrounding ten blocks have been shut down for the many dignitaries and representatives here tonight." Duo's face heated, he'd forgotten about that. He'd snuck in through the unused subway systems earlier in the day, hanging around the kitchens till show time. It would be a veritable fortress trying to get out of here and he didn't even have clearance passes! Christ, he was probably going to end up the night in jail.

               As if reading his mind, a card with his name adorning was flicked onto his lap.

               “I did not see you pass security, so I took the liberty of borrowing this for safe keeping." Duo grinned. The thought of the strict Chinese man committing even the smallest of crimes warming him.

               “Aw Chang, I didn't know you cared." Wufei grinned.

               “Apparently, not as much as Yuy." Duo's mouth slammed shut, embarrassment gripping at his chest.

               “I...I don't know what the hell that was about!" Wufei gave him an odd look, opening his mouth to say something, but a new voice cuts in,

               “Most likely a break from reality, the one in which Duo Maxwell is not a god." Duo whipped his head around to see a lanky figure emerge from the dark and sprawl into the chair to his right. Trowa always had a style that spoke of danger and grace, something Duo had been insanely jealous of during the wars.

               “Man, it’s a regular reunion! How's it goin' Trow?" One of Trowa's hands came up in a so-so gesture.

               “It is not quite a reunion yet," Wufei commented, standing. “For that, we must retreat to the upper halls." Looking up into his dark eyes, Duo had a sinking feeling it wasn't a polite request. But he played it cool.

               “Nah man, I think I'm just gonna head..."

               “Quatre is looking quite forward to seeing you." Duo silently cursed Trowa in several languages, colorfully. He knew Duo had an aching soft spot for the blond. Taking a deep breath he rose to his feet, feeling Trowa stand behind him. There was something crowding about the way the two man were stanced and a creeping feeling pulsed up Duo’s neck. There seemed to be ulterior motives here.

               “Are you here to be my friends, or bodyguards?" He was surprised with the viciousness he'd snapped that out with, but he felt pummeled and open. Wufei's eyes softened.

               “Always first as your friends."

               “Bodyguards only if you attempt an escape." Trowa chimed in. Duo shook his head.

               “Promise not to frisk me if I come willingly?" Both men grinned. Trowa leaned in to whisper in his ear,

               “We’ll leave the frisking to more capable hands." Duo turned bright red, but before he could retort Wufei turned and headed down the aisle, expecting immediate following. He sighed again, stuffing the destroyed hair-tie into his pocket before moving to follow the pristinely dressed young man, feeling the humored presence of Barton trailing along behind. They moved into the hallway and through a few groups of meandering people, heads turning to stare openly. Duo resisted ducking his head, tried to hold his posture as nonchalantly as Trowa for few seconds, knew he was doomed to fail that, and instead flicked a grinning salute and head nod to each person he made eye contact with. A few actually smiled and nodded back.

               Finally they reached the platform for the bank of elevators, clogged with nervous and excited party goers. Wufei took his place in cue, ready to resolutely wait the hour it was probably going to take to get up a few measly flights. Duo used the inches he'd gained in the past few years to scan over people's heads. The stairwell was guarded by two Rod McLargeHuge's packing enough ammo to start a terrorist regime. A sign posted read ‘No access except in case of emergencies.’ He snorted.

               “Come on fellas, I know a short cut." It's his turn to lead them, confused, through the throngs of people. By memory he made his way down twisting hallways, security passes getting them that far, till the noise of cutlery and hissing of cooking food reached their ears.

               “Duo, where are we...?"

               “May I help you gentlemen?" An elderly, stern voice inquires, leaving no room for excuses. Duo popped quickly out from behind Wufei.  

               “Hey Thomas! We're trying to get into the big party upstairs and there's a friggin' circus going on in the hall. Got any suggestions?" His two companions watched bemused as the well-dressed Butler chuckled.

               “Of course, Mr. Maxwell. Down and to the left are the servant's elevators. Please, help yourself. It is the least we can do for you. I hope the young gentlemen enjoy our party." The man bowed elegantly and swept away through a double set of doors leading into the chaos of the main kitchens. Duo smiled at his friend's blatant confusion and led the way down the hall. Sure enough, three sets of silver doors are around the corner, one already open. They step through, the doors sliding to a smooth close, and it begins to sweep them upwards.

               “Maxwell, how do you know that man?" Duo gave a careless shrug.

               “I came in early and was just wandering around. They were short a dish washer so I leant Thomas a hand for a few hours. No big deal." Trowa shook his head.

               “Through the wars I was jealous of the ease in which you interacted with people, now I just admire." It’s Duo's turn for stunned. Trowa, jealous of him? He muttered,

               “Jeez man, its nothing, just laboring." The doors clinged open and a woman with a trolley was waiting to go down.

               “What are you...?" But she suddenly alighted on Duo. “Oh! Duo, what are you doin' on the servants elevators? I don' wan' you ta get in trouble!" Duo moved forward, sweeping the woman's hand into his own, giving it a mock kiss while she laughed and covered her mouth with her other hand.

               “My darling Maria! Mr. Caufield himself gave me and my friend's permission. We didn't want to miss one second of your affair!" The woman shooed him away, moving to push the trolley into the elevator as Wufei and Trowa scrambled to the side.

               “Oh get away with you! Go! Go enjoy our party you rascal." The doors closed on her laughing face.

               “Just laboring again?" Trowa inquired. Duo chuckled.

               “Nah. She lost her wedding ring down a drain and old Duo Maxwell knows his way around a pipe wrench." The two men exchanged a look that spoke whole novels, Wufei smirking. Duo got the vague feeling again that there was more purpose to their presence than friendly assistance into the ballroom. He tried to shake it away.

               They made their way down the hall, picking up sounds of merriment bouncing through the echoing halls. Finally they reach a set of wooden doors and Wufei snuck a look out.

               “Good, we're behind a pillar, if we move one at a time no one will notice us coming from this way." He nodded and then he was gone.

               “Duo, wait one moment." Trowa requested and Duo stilled, one hand about to push open the door. He looked back into the startlingly green eyes of his once comrade in arms.

               “What’s up Tro?" An uncomfortable look passed across the man’s features.

               “Did you truly not know how Heero felt about you during the wars?" Duo felt shocked, letting his hand drop.

               “Christ, am I the only one who didn't know? I'm tellin' the truth man, I had no idea. I thought at first the guy would rather shoot me than take the inanities, then I thought yeah he appreciated my skills and all, so nicked the killing idea. But, no-, no I had no idea he thought of me like that at all." Trowa nodded, not seeming to be surprised, but reassured. Duo's eyes narrow.

               “What do _you_ know Tro? What's this thing goin' on between you and Wu?" Trowa moved to the door and Duo thought he was going to have to bodily stop him going through and answer some damn questions, but Trowa only looked out for a few seconds before turning to Duo.

               “I think Heero admired my silence during the wars and told me many things he would not have felt he could to others, for fear of what they would say back. After he self-destructed I took care of him. Something in him had broken, a fundamental in his mind was gone. He told me later on, going to the families of the dignitaries he'd killed had seemed logical and right, but didn't understand why it was so. Then he came to know you." Trowa turned to look at him then, his eyes blazing hotter than Duo had known they could and felt a flush inside of him under such intensity. “I asked him once later on, how he could stand to do missions with you." Duo's stomach clenched in pain. Ouch.

               “You were so different, I could not see how your styles could compliment. He thought for a very long time and finally told me it was your smile and your laughter that allowed you to work so well together. His apology mission was for that reason. So the families would know the real reason they lost their loved ones, so that when they smiled and laughed they could do so more honestly and openly because vengeance for their loss would fall to him, not them." Duo felt floored and angry. How could Heero have felt so much for him and never have told him? The nerve! The arrogant, stupid, moronic, bastard..!

               “He told me he wished he could laugh like you. That he had forgotten how. That by giving them their laughter back, somehow it could make up for the loss of his." And with that Duo was defeated. He slumped back against the wall, sighing deeply and closing his eyes to keep sharp tears from falling. He saw Heero up on that stage, so beautiful and broken, no illusions of grandeur or peace, his mind too full of truth and pain. Duo had walked away after the last war, hadn't even said goodbye to any of them. He couldn't. If he had seen Heero again, no force on Earth or Colonies could have stopped him from telling Heero how he felt. Just to give the man the smallest amount of love that he'd never had.

               “You should tell him Duo." Duo swallowed.

               “I can't." He looked at Trowa then, but the man was looking through the doors again, his posture changing as he seemed to find what he'd been looking for. Glancing back briefly at Duo, a smirk took to his lips.

               “Heero also told me how attractive you were when you smiled." And with that the taller man was gone, the door barely making sound as it snicked closed.


	3. A Sky Filled With Debris and Memories

The ball was everything the excitement of the attendees expected it to be. The cavernous hall was resplendently adorned with small sparkling lights and lush drapery, an enormous chandelier casting a warm glow from the center of the high vaulted ceilings, tapering down in the edges. A second story, shadowy walkway hugged around the walls, a few people looking down over the railing onto those waltzing below or gazing out of the ceiling high curved windows, to the stars outside.

               Table upon table of rich food lined one of the walls, two enormous drink bars with a dozen tenders at each on opposite sides. Duo made his way to one of them. He cued in line, looking around surreptitiously for Quatre; at least, that's who he told himself he was looking for. But there were hundreds, maybe even thousands of people in this grand space. The odds of finding his own ass let alone one person was not likely to happen. Finally getting a drink he meandered along the edge, occasionally nodding to a person or turning down the offer for a dance.

               He passed a few lighted staircases of high polished marble leading to the second story, but they looked exposed and full of people. Keeping to the shadows he ducked between two pillars and potted trees only to find a small, winding staircase. Glancing around to see if anyone was watching, or even noticed the almost hidden stairs, Duo knocked back the rest of his drink, unused to alcohol and feeling a buzz starting in his head, then set the cup on an empty table. There were strings of lights wrapped around the banisters to give the path a hazy, secretive glow. He ascended the stairs, feeling the change in air as the stifling heat of dance and merriment turned to the soft chill of Earth's fall air. Hugging his black leather coat tighter around his body he came to a landing that led to a small, dimly lit, and empty conservatory. There were shoulder-height partitions on either side of the twenty by twenty space and Duo could just see over them other similar rooms, devoid of life for the time being, while people were still schmoozing. The lack of light made the stars outside the massive panes of glass sharper and heavier in numbers.

               He walked slowly to the window sill, wide and adorned with plushy pillows. Sitting half turned to the sky he sighed, leaning his head against the chilled glass. Why was he still here? Security be damned, Trowa was right, he had a way of talking people into allowing him most things. He could be out in a matter of maybe 15 minutes, probably with a cab waiting. Why was he hesitating? A sound on the stairwell jarred him out of contemplation and he jumped to his feet, heart pounding. He tried to slow the rapid pace. So what if someone else had found this place? It was a party, people turned into regular adventurers at parties.

               A figure emerged from the dark stairwell, a solid male presence. Shadows playing around him, obscuring his features. For once, Duo had no words, his mind pounding with ways to gracefully bow out of this whole affair.

               “Duo?" The voice that had shattered Duo's perceptions not a half hour before cut into him like shards of jagged glass. Would it be too stupid looking to face-palm? There were literally _hundreds_ of people in this hall and Heero had managed to find him?

               “I saw you coming up the stairs." The man moved cautiously into the room, looking over the partitions in the same way Duo had and Duo tried not to stare, his body shaking with the painful throbbing of his heart. Heero's words were spilling across his mind, how was he supposed to function in speech processing? He stuffed his hands in his pockets, rocking onto his heels.

               “Heero, long time no see!" He turned his head, gritting his teeth. Could he have thought of something more moronic to say? He tried to play it off, staring over the other wall partition, wondering how to salvage things between them. There was no answer, and he risked a look. Heero had moved past him, standing before the windows, head tilted back to look out and into the stars. Duo's heart ached, the serious expression on Heero's face so familiar and so different after the revelations Trowa had made.

               “Congratulations Heero, you really deserve this." He said softly, trying not to let his nervousness choke in his throat. Heero half turned to him, a slight smile on his face.

               “Thanks." The man turned, sitting on the plush bench and leaning against the chilled glass, arms crossed. Duo rocked a little in place, not sure where to go from here. He looked towards the stairs, knowing any friendship they could possibly salvage would be ruined if he took the coward's way out. Trowa was wrong, he wasn't brave when it came to people, only people he didn't care about. He looked back to see Heero staring at him, eyes brooding in the dark, and Duo's aching gut told him he'd already ruined his chance with Heero, no matter what he'd said in his speech. But he'd come up here anyway and Duo was aching to know why. But it's Heero that spoke first.

               “Do you miss space?" Duo automatically looked back out into the stars, infinity stretching between and beyond them. His body vividly remembered the hunger on the streets of L2, total suspension in zero gravity, zigzagging between the carcasses of spaceship debris, dependence on the thin layers of cloth and metal separating him from the terrifying reality of the freezing vacuum. He shook his head.

               “No. I guess I had to get used to it when I was younger, and it was pretty thrilling zooming through it in Deathscythe. But, I don't know-earth feels more like home. Like my feet are actually on the ground and not just hurling chaotically through nothing. I think a part of me will always love that thrill, but I don't _need_ it anymore." Duo smiled, memories of insane laughter filling him as his craft hurled through the lifeless mass of emptiness. He looked back at Heero only to catch him staring again, the look on his face almost painful. Trowa's last comment floods into his mind and he flushed, his grin getting a little wider in nervousness. Heero's eyelids lowered, his look becoming feral in the shadowed light.

               “Duo, sit with me?" Duo nodded, moving slowly to the bench, settling close enough to Heero that it wouldn't look like he was actively trying to avoid him, but far enough away that he wouldn't feel the heat from the other man's body. He tilted his head further back, catching the cold form of the stars. Heero made a noise next to him, a kind of stifled grunt in his throat and Duo turned to him.          

               “What’s up Heero-?" His voice gave out, Heero’s eyes so strong on his own. Suddenly, Heero got to his feet and Duo reflexively mirrored his motion. They stood, barely a foot apart, and Duo felt the thrumming in the air between them. He opened his mouth, tried so hard to find something (anything!) to say, but everything he thought of meant nothing right now; I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me? Can you finally sleep at night? 

               “You left.” Duo blinked. His heart constricted so painfully he knew some of it must have shown on his face. He pushed the words out of his mouth,

               “I didn’t know how to say goodbye.” He felt more than saw Heero moving forward and Duo automatically took a step back. Heero stopped.

               “Why did you think you had to say goodbye?” Duo shook his head. It had seemed so simple then; the war was over, the others had lives to fall into, other people who relied on and needed them.

               “I had to figure out if there was anywhere I belonged anymore.” Heero moved so suddenly that Duo only had enough time to brace for the impact. He felt amazingly strong hands grab his jacket front, pushing his body a few stumbling steps back until the half wall came up to slam into him, his hands grabbed for Heero’s tensed arms. Duo’s breath was coming deep and strong, his heart slamming painfully inside his chest. He had a momentary, insane urge to fight, but he hesitated because he could finally see the wild, terrified look in Heero’s eyes. His speech, those words of assurance flooded in snippets across Duo’s brain, but that same man looked almost lost and helpless now. And Duo had left him.

               “You belong _here_.” Heero breathed shakily, his body so close that Duo felt his skin quivering with the proximity. This was why he had left. The intensity of emotions roiling inside of him that clung on and refused to dissipate through the war; once it had been over, he knew it would only be a matter of time before the feelings found words that would pour out of his mouth without any hope of being taken back. The two men stood, panting in the semi-darkness, Heero’s face twisting with emotion and Duo let his body relax, let himself submit. Heero must have noticed a difference because his eyes widened. Duo swallowed and let his hands trace up the strong contours of Heero’s back, pulling him in closer and wrapping himself into the heat of the other man. Heero sunk into him, arms circling tight around him, crushing Duo’s body into the wall with his trembling weight. Duo pulled him closer, kissing the skin below Heero’s ear and reveled in the keening moan the other man released; finally, he found a way to think through the joy exploding in his brain to breathe in his dearest friend’s ear,  

               “I’d like that.”   


End file.
